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Pulp Entrepreneurship

September 16th, 2013

With apologies to Quentin Tarantino.

At a table inside the Coupa Cafe, a coffee shop in Palo Alto,
California.  VINCENT and JULES are eating breakfasts of
eggs/sausage/pancakes and a muffin, respectively, and drinking
coffee.  They are talking about entrepreneurship.

                JULES
        Yeah, I've just been sitting here thinking.

                VINCENT
        About what?

                JULES
        About the startup I've got cooking.

                VINCENT
        Startup in your mind.  I think you don't have anything
        more than a weekend hack.  Maybe a web app at best.

                JULES
        What is a startup, Vincent?

                VINCENT
        A company that's just getting going.

                JULES
        And what kind of company would qualify?

Vincent takes a sip of coffee

                VINCENT
        It's... a company that has aspirations of growth, of making
        money, 	of changing things for the better.

Jules points at Vincent to indicate that he's hit on the main idea.
Vincent pauses, and then continues.

                VINCENT
        But your little side project, I don't think it qualifies.

Jules CHUCKLES.

                JULES:
        Hey Vincent, can't you see that shit don't matter?  You're
        judging this shit the wrong way.  I mean, it could be that
        my company will hit it big, or that Snapchat won't just be a
        fad, or that some 16-year-old will flip a stupid vampire
        social network to some dumb 18-year-old wannabe hedge fund
        manager.  You don't judge shit like this based on merit. Now
        whether or not what I'm doing is an according-to-Graham
        "startup" is insignificant.  But what is significant is that
        I feel it in here. 

Jules points to his heart.

                JULES:
        I know that what I'm doing is a startup.  Call it what you
        want, but it's a startup to me.

                VINCENT
        But why?

                JULES
        Well, that's what's fucking with me.  I don't know why.  But
        I know it's what I'm meant to do.

Vincent SCOFFS.

                VINCENT
        You're serious?  You're really thinking about quitting?

                JULES
        Software consulting?  

                VINCENT
        Yeah.

                JULES
        Most definitely.

                VINCENT
        Fuck. You're making such great money!

Vincent SIGHS.

                VINCENT
        So what are you going to do then?

                JULES
        Well, first I'm going to deliver the remaining code to my
        client.  Then, basically I'm just going to do the startup thing.

                VINCENT
        What do you mean, "do the startup thing?"

                JULES
        You know, like Zuckerberg and Facebook. Raise money, write code,
        change the world.  

                VINCENT
        And how long do you intend to "raise money and write code"?

                JULES
        Until my startup takes off and I have a successful exit.

                VINCENT
        And what if you never have an exit?

                JULES
        We're in a bubble.  Somebody will buy it.

                VINCENT
        So you decided to be an asshole. 

                JULES
        I'll just be Jules, Vincent.  That, and I'll be incredibly
        rich eventually.

                VINCENT
        No Jules, you decided to be an asshole.  Just like all of
        those pieces of shit writing pretentious blog posts and
        going on about social-this or mobile-that.  Who pretend
        their MBAs qualify them for eight-figure VC investments,
        or who treat content farming like it's adding utility to the
        web.  They have a name for that, Jules: an asshole.  And
        without a revenue plan or a product that will scale that's 
        all you're going to be at your so-called "startup": a 
        fucking asshole.

                JULES
        Look, my friend, this is just where you and I differ.

                VINCENT
        Jules, what happened over the past few days, I agree,
        some angels showed some interest and your stub of a signup
        page collected a few email addresses, but an actual
        startup?  I don't think...

                JULES
        Any idea as long as it can get traction, Vincent.

                VINCENT
        Don't fucking talk that way to me, man.  How will you make
        money?

                JULES
        If my answers frighten you, then you should cease asking
        scary questions.  

                VINCENT
        Let me ask you something; when did you make this decision?

                JULES
        Just recently.  I was sitting at home, reading about how
        Twitter was about to IPO, and how Uber picked up $250 million 
        from Google, and I had what techies refer to as, "a moment 
        of jealousy."

                VINCENT
        Fuck.
  1. Vince
    September 18th, 2013 at 08:05 | #1

    Ahahahaha, that’s good satire!!!!! “What? ‘What’ ain’t no startup I ever heard of. Do they use Perl in ‘What?’”

  2. Paul
    September 18th, 2013 at 17:42 | #2

    Well done sir… +1

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